Ok so on my way out of jail I see a cop (Ironic huh). Actually he is walking by giving people parking tickets, but I ask him where I can get a cab as I don't know where I am. He asks how I could not know where I am and I say its a long story. He walks me to the end of the street to a corner calls on his radio and within a minute a cab appears. I tell the cabbie to take me to the grass market and I start looking through my phone calls dialed.
This is where the trouble starts because I notice that while I called Matt several times after 2 am, I also called my manager, the base number, and a secretary. Whoops, so much for a night in jail no one will know about. I get to the grass market ahead of Matt and Adam and head for a little sandwich shop. I demolish a spicy chicken sandwich with crunchy bread. Once finished I realize I am almost choking as I am dehydrated as a dead snake on a dessert road and drink a small bottle of water. My first in at least 18 hours (and last for another 18 ish). Still dressed up in a nice collared shirt, sheep skin Jacket and of cores the famous playboy chain I see Matt and Adam arrive. We head into a bar and have breakfast. Breakfast is beer and its on me because of the drama I caused last night, I figure we are all even now. I hear stories about how dumb I was and things like this. Then my phone rings....
Its the personal department head telling me that they have arranged legal council for me. She asks where I am, I say a bar. She goes silent. I explain that I was let out and have met back up with the other guys and we are having "breakfast". She accepts the excuse and hangs up. 2 seconds later my manager calls, I try to explain what happened saying that there was a "misunderstanding" between me and the cops. He asked what sort of misunderstanding can land someone in jail. I said I would explain Monday. Ok problem solved for now..... 1 minute later the secretary calls.
She wants to hear the story first hand as I left a message last night saying "Help me, the fuzz has me and they are taking me to their lair. I know what they do to Americana's here. I am too young to die. Save me. Call Tim Welling, he is American, he will help,(In a whisper) he is superman, he can help. Tell them I am not from here and I have diplomatic Immunity. O shit, there coming help me help me now. Then there was some arguing and then I hung up" I got to listen to the message on Monday and it is the funniest thing I have ever said in my life. I honestly fell over when I heard it.
So after I explain and we decide to leave the predominately Welsh pub to head next door to go to the Scottish supporters pub, and get food. Some more pints (Once again i am drunk, its amazing how fast you can get drunk on the second day of a binge). But I got some more food in me so i am in a jovial drunk state. We drink until about 2 pm, then catch a taxi to the game. We are the only ones walking into the stadium, most likely because the game has already started. A cop on the outside offers us tickets, but we say we have our own. We go in and walk around until we find our seats. Matt goes to sit down and me and Adam hang out on the outside of the stadium talking to the girls at the snack counter. After a few minutes we decide to head in and these are the seats Matt got tickets for.
Basically 50 yard line 4 rows back. These are the second greatest seats i have ever had for a sporting event I was not playing in. (KT's Redskins seats were still the highlight of my sport watching life putting 50 points on the bears was good too)So we watch the second half of the first half, sit through all of halftime and watch the second half while I am texting the sales engineer who is at the game somewhere with some clients saying he should come hang with us, but he recognises that I am wasted and smartly stays away.
The game ends and we have a couple of post game pints at a tent. We loose Matt, but then find him again. Head back to the hotel, which is the first time, since I arrived in Edinburgh, that I spent more than 5 seconds in the room. I have a much needed shower and Matt breaks his cell phone into a million pieces. Get changed out of the "Jail" clothes and get ready for another night.
We order a taxi to take us back into town and head to the hotel bar to keep the buzz going. I regale some people with my prison story including a family I apparently was talking to after we drooped our bags at the hotel last night. They worn me to stay safe tonight and we head out.
We are all really hungry so we ask to go to a nice restaurant. The cabbie drops us of at a restaurant that is painted blue, that's all any of us remember from the outside. We go in a sit at a table by the door. We get menus and we all realize that we have to really concentrate to read. I manage to read the word Tuna and order that. We get a bottle of house red wine and keep drinking. When the food comes within a bite we all agree that this is all of our best meals ever. We are absolutely wasted and I am sure the food was good, but I have no clue if it was "the best ever" but at the time we all think it is. We are so impressed that we each one at a time head up 2 flights of stairs to the kitchen to thank the chef for suck a great meal. I ask to "shake the hand of the man the made the best tuna ever made in the history of fish" The waitress asks if we need anything else and we order another bottle of wine and dessert. I had sticky toffy pudding, which I did not read, because at this point reading was beyond me, but we just yelled different desserts until the waitress said they made that. We ate dessert finished the wine and decided that the chef needed another thanking. This time we all went up together to tell him he was a god among men. We then went back downstairs and left.
Now there is one crucial thing that we did not do at this restaurant that you always have to do. Do you know what it was........ yes that's right. We didn't pay. At the time I think we all thought someone else paid for it, but after further discussion in the morning and again on Monday when everyone checked there credit cards online none of us paid and we just walked out on our meal. O well, it prolly wasn't that good anyway ;-)
We go to some street with a lot of bars and head into one of them. Start drinking more and somehow I end up talking with the bouncers outside. (I think it was my subconscious trying to make up for last night) They are not pleased to have me hounding them, but I am on a mission and they can't get me either back inside or further outside so i just hang with them asking about how they decided who can come in and who can't. (they let me in so their standards can't be that high) After about an hour of me being super annoying they need a break and they ask me to watch the door. I decided that this is them accepting me and my apology to the bouncer community for my previous nights actions has been wiped clean. A group of 4 guys wants in, but I tell them "we are full" and they walk off, I am drunk with power, and beer. 3 girls come up (Pretty cute) and ask to come in, I say yup, just as the "real" bouncers come back. They say I did good, but I have to go inside now. I feel like I did my part so i go in and find Matt and Adam. They ask where I was, I give them the brief story as 1 of the 3 girls walks by, she is confused, but I try to explain it. I am too drunk to make it make sense to her, so I just stop talking. We have a few more then decided its time to head to a different type of club.
We decided on one of those places where girls practice to be firemen by sliding down poles. We head to the "Bermuda triangle" and place where there are 3 strip clubs on 3 corners, we go to the one in the middle. Stopping at a bank machine I take out money and give Matt 100 pounds. Matt goes in first, then I go in. I instantly loose Matt. (Later I find that he went straight upstairs found a girl gave her the hundred pounds and said 1 word "Dance") I look behind me and Adam is no where to be seen. I walk to the stage area and see one of the hottest girls ever in my life. She climbs (Literally the stage in the middle of a ton of guys and is 5 ft off the ground with no stairs so it really was a climb) onto the stage and begins "dancing" I have no clue how long I am there for but I think it was about 2 hours. I am constantly calling Matt (If you remember he broke his phone so obviously he does not pick up) I don't have Adam's number and I am starting to realize that I have no idea where the hotel is... or even what the name of it is. I'm screwed.
I head for the door and ask the bouncer if he has seen an American guy or a British guy. He points across the street and points to a random guy and says "Is that him?" and laughs This bouncer turns out to be Jesus because he points right at Adam. I say yes, and run across the road towards him. Cars screech to a halt and I make it across without being hit. Adam is wasted as am I, but he has a card from our hotel so now we know where we live. We get some food, again talk to the owenr of the place, but no "free" food this time. A few slices of pizza give us energy and we decided we need to find a taxi. We try to wave one down but no luck. We walk a little further down the street and find a taxi line that is ridiculously huge. We decide that we are way too important to wait in that line so we start walking around asking every single girl if we can go home with them or if they will take us to our hotel. They laugh because we are so far from our hotel, we don't think its funny.
Then a stroke of genius hits me. The taxi's for the line have to come from somewhere... lets go to the source. We walk down the road and start seeing empty taxi's heading to the taxi stand. I snap my fingers but nothing stops. we then start waving, but still no luck. We then get right in the middle of the road trying to get in their way. They all manage to avoid us and still not stop. We are not too big to admit when we are beaten and head back to the taxi line. We make it to the hotel at about 6 am with the sun about to come out. Go and sit in the hotel bar and this guy comes up and wants to drink. We decide not to let a guy drink alone (Cuse that's what alcoholics do) and we have a scotch with him. As soon as I smell it I remember that I have ordered some of the most expensive single malt scotch's before and I can never drink them. I dump my shot into Matt's glass and go to my room......
I don't have a key so I bang on the door, no answer. I go and get the guy at the front desk and he opens my door. I ask if there are any rooms with hot girls in that he can open instead, he says no, and I pass out in my bead with socks and ski hat on.
Matt's alarm wakes us up in the morning for breakfast. I see the family again, they are happy I didn't end up in jail again. We pack up and head back to Aberdeen, i sleep most of the way on the train, get to my apartment and go to sleep putting an end to one of the, if not the drunkest weekend of my life.
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